A lot has happened....

I haven't written in awhile and boy have things changed. I finally met my friend that I had been talking to on the internet back in January. Yeah I know that is not a safe thing to do but all the signs pointed to going to met him plus I had this strong feeling that it was something that I had to do, so I drove to Wisconsin alone and met him. We clicked right away and pretty much picked up where we left off on the internet. Even me and his 9yr old son that he has full custody of clicked right away, kinda surprising since he really doesn't like anyone. I spent 4 days there and met his family etc... had a great time and hated to have to return home but like always all good things must end.
Well 2 weeks later I returned to Wisconsin in the Blizzard for a job interview. Yep you read right I drove up there in the Blizzard. What normally took me 8hrs to drive ended up taking me almost 16 hours. That is ok because me and my youngest son had a blast driving in it lol Stayed almost 2 weeks and got the job and returned home, 2 weeks later I was back in Wisconsin picking up my friend and his son so that I could move to Wisconsin.
So here I am now living in Wisconsin, loving every minute of it and actually happy, can you believe that happy. Ok most days I am happy. I still have a lot of adjusting to do after being in some severely abusive relationships and then now being in a good one, it is hard for me, hard to explain also why it is hard.
Got to let you know that I don't do things like that but everything pointed to meeting him and moving up this way. Don't regret it one bit and it has actually been extremely beneficial for my younger son. He is finally happy at school and doing good. Loves his new school and says he is never returning to Ohio.
Oh yes my parents like J also. That is a first, they have never liked anyone I have dated or married so I about fainted when they said they liked him.
He was exactly who he said he was, yeah I know hard to believe about meeting someone on the internet. The only flaw I see is that he spends too much time playing games on the computer and that he is like my dad and my oldest son, doesn't show how he is feeling so a lot of times I have to guess and I usually guess wrong but all in all he is good to me and helps me out with things and the kids, never had that happen before so yeah that is an adjustment also.
Some mornings I wake up and still can't believe that I met some guy on Facebook through Mafia Wars of all things, drove to meet him, and then ended up moving in with him and falling in love with him and his son. If you knew me, you would find that hard to believe because I don't talk to anyone on the internet, I don't like anyone and I only like my kids and I have this extremely strong wall built up that I haven't let anyone in, in a very long time. The wall still is not completely down, maybe one day it will be but for now a part of it will stay up as a way of trying to protect myself. I am not ready to let it come completely down.
Well I guess that is it for the update, not that anyone is reading, I pretty much do this for myself.

Night!
~Just Some Girl~

Thinking about my job

Still on vacation and wondering how things are going at work considering that my replacements are well someone who I once thought was an awesome cook,

I later learned that he was not all that he let on that he was and a newbie, that didn't listen to a damn thing I said when I trained her to do my job.

Oh what do I do for a living, you ask? I am a Cook, actually my title is Head Cook, but I think the title is a crock of shit. There is one other cook above me and that

Is the Lead Cook, the one that I thought at one time was awesome. I do more leading than he does, actually us other cooks have given him the title Glorified Soup Maker

And Floor Mopper because that really is all that he does but yet he gets credit for everything I cook. Eh Oh Well.

Last time I went on vacation I was pulled into the office my first day back and them wanting to know why certain stuff wasn't done or being cooked. HUH?? I have been

On vacation. How the hell would I know. So you see why I am kinda wondering how things are going. Oh who am I kidding, I spend a lot of time in the office getting

In trouble for something some one didn't do or something someone said.

I have never in my life worked for a place where the supervisors did no supervising. They eat, drink and smoke, oh and also read magazines and get paid a whole lot more money than I do.

They have no idea what each job consists of and who is to do what, which is one of the reasons I am always getting in trouble (99.9% of the time I can prove my

Case and win). You can go in there and say Billy Bob is suppose to do that and really it could be Sally Mae's job and not one of the supervisors would have any

Clue. They look to us to solve the problems, help with any situations that come up and sometimes want help trying to find a replacement for someone that calls in.

Oh well, hopefully one day opportunity will knock or I get my degree which ever comes first and I will be able to leave. I thought my previous job (fast food) was the

Worst place to work ever but I have to tell you, the people that I worked with there, had more class than the people I work with now

Just for giggles: Tidbits from the Job. Yes all these actually happened.

Co-worker: Fanning a Strawberry. "No honey, fanning a strawberry is not holding it up in front of a fan"

Co-worker: Can you show me how to measure 2 cups? "Umm Umm You're kidding me right?"

Co-Worker(Late Cook): How do I pan the Potato Crusted Cod? "Seriously? You open the box and put the fish in the pan and you've been working here how long?"

Ok that is all I am giving you for tonight and trust me there is a crap load more........

Past relationship mistakes

Another day has passed and nothing exciting to report.

Let's see, what did I do today. Rearranged my bedroom, there was no fun in that for the simple reason I have a tiny bedroom, not

Much room to move things around in but I tried to be created. Will take a picture tomorrow and show you how small.

Classes started today and I take all of them online so that I don't have to go to campus. When you have to wake up at 330am to be

To work at 5am and then go to class in the evening, I personally struggle staying awake. Ask my poor English professor last semester

I fell asleep every class and I think she took it personally so I explained to her one day after class. She laughed and thought I was funny.

I have no idea why people think I am funny...... Anyway this semester I am taking West Virginia History, not something I really wanted to

Take but a requirement, Ancient History, which I might enjoy, get to read the Illiad which I read in high school but at least this time around

I get to read it in English instead of having to translate it from Latin into English, was never very good at Latin. Let's see what else, Principles

Of Microeconomics , eh not sure about that one and finally World Regional Geography, probably like that one. We'll see....

Haven't heard from my friend today, he freaking kills me, really he does. His actions speak differently from his words and it leaves me standing

Here going HUH??? Which we have already established that I have trust issues so most of the time I don't believe what he says anyway... Anyway

2 weeks ago he sends me a text while I was at work telling me that he was sitting there thinking about me all morning and that lo and behold sparks

Were starting to fly and a fire was coming to life (regarding me) and then I don't hear from him for a few days. I guess for me if you like someone you want

To talk to them not avoid them, correct? Hell what do I know, I suck at relationships, I can really pick the winners. Here let me tell you about them...

Winner #1

Tried to set my pants on fire in homeroom my second day at the school (transferred my senior year of high school to a little whole in the wall town in

New York). About a month after going to that school I was walking home from the bus stop and he about ran me over and asked me if I wanted a ride, from

There we became friends and hung out all the time together until we went to a party and I was joking around with his friends and he got pissed and went outside

I followed asked what was wrong and he said he didn't like them talking to me that way, and I said what does it matter, we were not dating and then he said "Now we are".

That is how we became boyfriend and girlfriend. One thing lead to another and soon we were married, moved overseas to Germany since he joined the Army. He waited til

He got me over there and then started beating me, that crap went on for a year and then he finally sent me home. What kills me is that my mom told me that I deserved

Everything he did to me, that really pisses me off and still does to this day (that was 17yrs ago) Oh yes I guess I should tell my age, 37 but don't look it :)

I don't think anyone deserves to get beat. When I think of what I did to deserve to get beat, I'll let you know but to this date I still haven't figured it out.

We lived together for 2yrs and then it took me 5yrs to divorce his ass. I should have know things were not good when I went to my high school graduation with

A black eye...........

Winner #2

Met him sometime before my divorce was final. That one was a complete and udder mistake and I knew it was but I think I was looking for the abuse because everything going

On with my mom, I could say parents but my mom was the one saying the hurtful things. Anyway, Oh my really don't know where to begin with this one.

Let's just say I didn't know he was homeless, a drunk, a drug addict and a frequent visitor to the county jail. He knew how to hide things quite well and by the time

I found out, I had already fallen for him. Anyway, one thing lead to another, we married, then I lost everything I had because of him, was homeless etc.. Beat me constantly

Wasted all the money we had and got us kicked out of every home I would find for us. FInally one night he tried to kill me and that was it, I put him in jail and divorced his ass.

When the police took him to jail, he looked at me and told me that he loved me and the police officer looked at him and told him that when you love someone you don't take an

Bite out of the side of their face. Yeah that is what he did, amongst other things.... My divorce was final within 3 months. There is more to this story that maybe at a later date

I will tell, until then.....

So what do these two have in common, they are both Drunks, Druggies, Abusers, and cheaters... I have vowed never to go out with anyone like that again..... I have dated between meeting

Each of them and after them but I usually do something to make them run when I start having feelings for them or they start getting too close.. Don't want to risk getting hurt or

finding out that they have

Been hiding stuff from me.....

So now I have come across my friend, that some time during the past 9 or so months I seem to have started to have feelings for. I really wish I didn't and don't understand why I do.

Seems like it just happened when I wasn't looking, actually I wasn't looking to become friends with him either that just kinda happened. Now I don't know what to do.

I usually wait for him to contact me, at least for the most part I do, sometimes my judgement gets the better of me and I contact him first, through email, texting, calling etc...

Anyway he leaves me so confused most of the time that I really have no idea how he feels, what he wants, and what I am to him.... To me I am just some girl somewhere on the

Internet, that's it nothing more.....

I think about backing away all the time but something keeps telling me not too....arrrggghhh this sucks, seriously........

I hate caring about people, seriously, I try very hard not too and most time it works...

Well hell I talked more than I wanted too tonight. How many of ya have fallen asleep?? Oh you all have, eh that's ok, ain't doing this for your benefit anyway......

Sweet Dreams

Just Some Girl

The start of Just a girl

Well Well Well it looks like a few days have passed since I posted, not that anyone noticed but then again am I really doing this for you anyway...

I tend to get bored really easy and switch between the fifty different things I have going on or strike up an interest in, which if I sit here and think about

It is quite a bit of crap.....

Realized today that I am on my 5th day of vacation and haven't really done anything. Was suppose to go to Wisconsin on my vacation but like always something came

Up and my plans were cancelled. Not that it was anyone's fault just shit happens.... Happens quite a bit in my life but I deal, one way or another, I deal.

Classes start tomorrow, which I am excited about.simply because it keeps my flippin brain busy. Yes, my brain in constantly thinking and all over the place, which is

Why my blogging will never ever make any sense but anyway I am just some girl somewhere on the Internet...........

History of 'Just some girl somewhere on the Internet'...well since you asked, oh wait you didn't but I am going to tell you anyway.

I became friends with someone on the Internet, we will call him 'J', anyway me and J began talking quite a lot on FB and kinda got

Interested in each other. Anyway, he tells me I am a close friend now (we've been talking for almost a year now) and I just say that I am just some girl somewhere on the Internet.

And really let's not kid ourselves here, I AM just some girl somewhere on the internet....nothing more... No we have not met yet..and when I sit back and analyze things, I don't think

We will ever.....One day I will go into more details about all this, and boy you will get a laugh at some of the ways I tried to scare him off, no they didn't work, which I guess that

Should count for something...Let's put it this way I have SERIOUS trust issues.... Anyway that is how my little phrase just some girl somewhere on the Internet got started... I kinda

Like it.....

Oh you ask about my trust issues? Oh wait you didn't but that's ok because, guess what?, I'm going to tell you anyway...

I don't trust anyone as far as I can spit and I can't spit very far at all. Yes, that also includes my parents....

I automatically assume that anything anyone says to me is automatically a lie, and if they are nice to me, there is some reason for it,

They either want something, or they have done something that is going to piss me off or they are getting ready to do something to me

That is going to piss me off...Which so far it has been true, that if someone is nice to me, there is a motive behind their niceness...

I didn't help matters much when growing up all I ever heard from my mom was that they were only being nice to me or wanted to be

My friend because we had a nice home and nice things, and then it became because I had a car, a place to live, etc.... No one could ever like me

For who I am... I guess after a few years of that being drilled into my head, I started believing that no one wanted to be my friend or date me because they

They liked me and only me...

So here I sit, just some girl somewhere on the Internet with some serious trust issues, waiting to find that one person who can break down the walls and let me know

That they like me for me and nothing else.....This is the 'Year of Me', the year that I break free from the chains that hold me back and start dealing with my issues and start

Living my life... Ha! Easier said than done but luckily I am one stubborn chick that doesn't give up that easily ;)

Well I guess that is it for now,

Sweet Dreams,

Just some girl somewhere on the Internet.......

Wanna Trade Brains?

WOW slept until 10 this morning..must have been tired. It's my vacation I guess I deserve to sleep in.

Ran a few errands today nothing really exciting.

Been thinking about my friend all day and wondering how he is holding up dealing with his dad etc..

Haven't heard from him and I am going to take it as not being good news because he withdraws when

Things are not going good. I wish his dad would come out of it but just don't see that happening.

I guess I will wait to hear from him because I feel awkward calling him and seeing how things are going.

Don't feel it is my place not being family etc.... I struggle at moments like this..

I do hope he knows that I am here for him....

Today's biggest struggle is feelings... I struggle showing or expressing how I feel. I would rather just clam up

And not express anything or show any feelings towards anyone. I have found though that with my friend I have

Found myself expressing myself on how I feel about him and that is so unlike me. Now I am beginning to have

Seconds thoughts on whether that was the right thing to do or not.

Why can't there be a simple answer to every question I have and why isn't there someone around to answer

These questions. You know Dr Phil probably has an answer.....lol I don't watch Dr Phil so I have no idea what he

Is an expert in. Ok enough on feelings..too much feeling makes my head hurt...

You know I did try to ask people to trade brains with me today and no one was willing too. Such a shame, it would be

Quite painful but would be a very interesting and entertaining trade...... Oh the things that they would see and hear going

On in my lil ole head.. I really would like to trade brains just for awhile if that was possible. I just want a normal brain for awhile. Not saying that

I am not normal...ok maybe I am a little on the abnormal side. I do believe that I am unique because my views etc...are just

So different from most...eh who knows, I just know that I am me, nothing more, nothing less......

Anyone watch Jersey Shore tonight? I actually can't wait for next week's episode. I do believe that JWow is going to whip

Sammi's ass. Ok I am always up for a little violence here and there and this season looks like a lot of fighting is going to go on.

I suck at blogging!!!!!

Pretty girl with the sad & lonely heart..

Today I took the first step in dealing with my demons (as I like to call them) or issues, whatever you want to call them.

Basically I am a pretty & smart girl with a very sad & lonely heart.

I didn't do much today so there is not much to write about.

Just seen where a student shoot his principle and vice principle. What would possess someone to do that?

And then find out that the shooter is the son of the police chief or police detective, off hand can't remember which.

I read that the kid said on his Facebook page that the school caused him to do this. What did the school do?

This is probably another situation where the Educational system has failed. I thought they had programs set up to

Prevent stuff like this from happening, a place where the kids can go and safely talk about things going on. Who knows,

I don't follow the news enough to know anything.

I am kinda stuck in a I don't know what to do situation. Not really a situation but I just don't know what to do.

I have a friend, someone I met online, whose father is seriously ill, actually he is unresponsive and on life support.

My friend texted me last night and said that there has been no change and they were waiting on the results of the

EEG. That was the last I had heard anything and I don't know whether to text him to find out how his dad his doing

And to find out how he (my friend) is holding up. I don't want to bother him but yet I am concerned. What would you

Do in situations like that? Arrgghh wish I had better social skills and could handle social situations better...

I guess for now I am just going to wait to hear from him. I really don't want to bother him, mostly because I am

Just some chick he met on the Internet..........

My social skills suck! Anyone willing to help me with them? Probably not, I am a mess and whoever is willing has

Their work cut out for them and probably would not stick around for very long....

It is hard to explain how I am or how I feel and I try to explain it to people but they just don't understand.

But that is one of my resolutions for this year, to improve my social skills.

Here are the rest of my Resolutions:

1. Get out of this funk that I seem to be in

2. Improve my social skills

3. Concentrate on Me, instead of worrying about everyone else

4. Quit waiting and Start Living

5. Go on a Adventure

6. Find Mr Right, if he even exists

7. Go to a RedWings game (I love HOCKEY!)

8. Find my Voice

There are more but I can't remember them all, have them written down somewhere...

Well this chick is heading to bed.......

Summing up my day

Getting ready to head to bed and decided that I would reflect on the day and basically to sum up my day:

I woke when really I wanted to sleep.

Thought about calling into work today because of a bad hair day.  Don't think that would have went over well even

Though at one time some chick called in because her pants were too tight (Yes that really happened).

Got ready for work against my will.

Went to work against my will.

Cooked Breakfast, OH how I hate scrambling eggs and making bacon anymore, the amount I have to cook is unreal

Started Lunch, made Chicken/Broccoli Alfredo w/penne pasta and I have to admit I make an awesome Alfredo sauce.  Olive Garden watch out LOL j/k

Mr I can't play jokes on people has now made it to the top of my Payback list for playing a very cruel joke on me and then jumping out from behind

The hotboxes and scaring the crap out of me at 5am in the morning.  To early for that crap and hell I ain't even fully awake yet.

Can't figure out why people at work think I am funny, I just tell it like it is and they think I am being funny...

Still very seriously is pushing for a Shape Sorting test during the interview process for the simple fact that they can't seem to realize that

And little pan is not going to fit on top of a big pan. One day I'll take a pic and show you what I mean.

Lost count of how many times Sunshine threatened to kick my ass, and at one point he threatened to beat the crap out of me, so

I say that was a pretty productive work day then. He's going to miss me while I am on vacation  :D

Came home, took a nap, ordered pizza, which wasn't all that great, seems like it is hard to find a good pizza anymore, either that or I just

Don't like pizza like I use to...who knows..

What starts out as a loud and hectic day ends in quiet solitude.........

Night!

Just some girl

I figure you should always introduce yourself, so I am just some girl somewhere in America and somewhere on the Internet...but you can

Call me 'J'.  I am no one of importance to anyone, well I might be but they haven't come forward yet to say that I was, still waiting for

That day.

I am quiet and shy and just screaming to break out from behind the walls that I have built.  Boy, whoever tries to break them sure has

Their work cut out for them, it's going to be challenging but can be done, or at least I hope so...

I have yet to find my voice...so this being a new year, I am embarking on quite a few journeys into the unknown.

1.  I want to find my voice

2. I want to break out from behind my walls

3.  I want to be noticed instead of always being behind the scenes

4.  I want to be heard instead of always being ignored

There are many more but right now these are the ones that I want to concentrate on, so I am going to begin my journey into the

World of blogging.  Have always been interested in it and have enjoyed reading other peoples blogs but have never embarked on the

Journey of doing one myself..ok that is a lie, I have, posted a few posts and then deleted the blog because I felt the posts weren't good enough

Or interesting enough.  Now I don't care...well I do but let's pretend that I don't...

I pretend a lot...have to in my world, people expect me to be someone that I am not so I am always pretending to be someone that isn't me.

It suits everyone but me....  It gets tiring after awhile, makes my head hurt most days.  I am a work in progress but when finished I'm going to Shine!